File This Under: ARE U F*CKIN SHITTIN' ME?

Al principio pensé que esto era el nuevo disco en espaniol de Raja from Rupal's Drag Race, pero ...oh no! Esto es parte del nuevo disco de Mimel Comde, el cual se puede conseguir en 'Samborn's' y que suena a lo que esucharías si pasas a Jollete cantando "Bailando" 87 veces por el filtro de autotune, con sus soniditos tipo Pacman and all! Muevete Lucero! La verdadera reina del nuevo dance esta aquí!

Katy Perry would be sooo mad!

Could we put our chimichanga plates down for a second, press 'PAUSE' on all international conflicts and the US Federal Debt talks, and direct our attention to address this crucial matter? It has been brought to my attenttion, by my dear Francisco 'la loca' Fonseca, if it was ok for us to let this bitch pretend as if she wasn't selling NOXEMA a few years back. Well, here's my answer in 4 words: HELL.TO.THE.NO!
I mean, if you're not gonna start the TV ad with a: "A ghost once told me that..." then you can move your little silicon breast to the "I know What You Did 45 Summers Ago: The Musical" filimg set, 'cause this shit you're blabbing about aint selling honnay!!! I'd rather watch Miss Noxema Jackson selling this crap, it would be less offensive and fiercer!!

Hot Slut Of The Century!

Michael K.. has named Gina Montes, as Today's Hot Slut Of The Day, but I actually think she should be named Hot Slut Of The Millenium!
I mean, if I ever wanted to be dressed up with a band majorette/circus ringleader costume, it was because of her! She was the Beyonce before Beyonce! No one could possibly do justice to sequins better than her! 'till this day, there's no weekened, in which I wont greet someone with a very powerful "Denankiu!" *giggles*
Long Live to Gina The Queen!
Oh, and Gina Montes even has her own YouTube Channel so you can watch her slow vogue and give FACE! FACE! BEAUTY! FACE! FACE! FACE! 24 hours a day!

TragoComoPrecious!

Es en domingos como este cuando me pregunto si no seré un experimento genetico à la FRINGE. He comido como si tuviera 3 estomagos. Un hibrido entre una vaca y alguna otra cosa tendría muchisimos sentido.

I feel ya sista!

This is sooo me (or it could totally be you, don't deny it!) simmering my sorrows after watching "He's Just Not That Into You" for th 4,867th time and and going on our 14th Kahlua, while listening to Adele's "Don't You Remember" on repeat for several hours, while thinking we're becoming the Jennifer Aniston of our group of friends. You know, just a regular tuesday night.

Oh Adele!

La gordita peleonera que vive dentro de mi sigue obsesionada con su nuevo himno, the ultimate break-up song, que hoy, escuchara sin parar mientras salta la cuerda (à la Rocky) entrenando durisimo para la noche. If this song was a movie, it would be the love child of "The Fighter" & "Ugly Betty", as seen through the eyes of a "The Devil Wears Prada" fan, who has listened the 'Hairspray' CD on repeat for several hours.
Love it!!!! ♥

Blond moment du jour ;)

Hoy tuve un super Elle Woods moment, ya que no podía recordar como se llamaba el wey que había salido del 'Joker' en Batman! No Jack Nicholson, el otro! El ex de Michele 'not the Destiny's Child one' Williams! El de Bareback Mountain (typo and it stays u_u)! El que se murió! Y me negué a buscar la ayuda de wikipedia! Así que me esforcé muchisimo y... aproximadamente 10 minutos después, la cajera del OXXO debió haber pensado que yo estaba loco cuando muy sonriente y con cierta euforia le dije: HEATH LEDGER!
Le pagué mi soda, y me fui :D

I officially became gay on November 15th, 1997!

Long time ago, during the years before youtube, there were no 'accidentally leaked' songs, no previews, no itunes promo, no nothing! So, if you wanted to dance naked in your bedroom to your favorite pop diva of choice, you had to pretty much go to walmart and get your own cd when they put it out. Also, it was during those years when I was a starving student and didn't have any money to go out. Soooo, what do you do when you're more broke than Toni Braxton circa 2010? You go and get 3 TKT light caguamas en el OXXO de la esquina, and stay your skanky ass home on a saturday night, watching SNL, of course.

Claire Danes was hosting it that night, and Miss Mariah Carey was the musical guest.

After having been taken somewhere else by then-Miss Carey's "Butterfly", it came 'My All", and as the song was ending, I noticed that...umm...sort of like...ummm... had tears in my eyes! Yes, I was crying!!! It was the first time I had cried sin darme cuenta! That was the moment when I knew Mariah would play a very important role in my gay life, and who would also, provide me with the power ballads that everybody else would hate for the rest of my life.

So here's what I witnessed that night:

La gatadita del día: Quiero el disco de Sheyla!

Gracias a que mi gorduuuu adoraduuu tiene su dico ya a la venta,yo estoy totalmente de regreso en el cuarto de mi abuela, bailando frente al espejo, con un cepillo del AVON com microfono, en un duelo vocal Rocio Banquells vs Lucia mendez, con una toalla enrollada en mi cabeza simulando mi cabellera à la Daniela Romo. Who said the 80's were over???!!!
PS. Quiero seguir sufriendo como Precious!

Bitch has been robbed!

OMAIGASH!!! The sweet and delicate flower in the picture above has been removed as The Most Natural Carrie Bradshaw Impersonator. Just take a look at the video below:

I'm blaming Lady Gaga for this!!! (or nominating her for an award, I haven't decided it yet u_u) But one thing is fo' sho'..somewhere in the upper west side of Manhhatan, Suri Cruise esta haciendo el coraje de su vidaaaa!!! Bitch totally stole her thunder!!!

*Maybe she's born with it, maybe is Fisher Price's Tea Party Set ;)

File this under: "REALLY???....REALLY???"

El usuario 'closetero81' me envia un mensaje diciendome: "Hola como estas? quieres platicar?". Y yo le contesté: "Si, cuando salgas del closet." Y su respuesta fue (y realmente le estoy dando copy/paste):"osea nunca bye naco hediondo..."
QUESTION: He's veeeeeeeeery straight acting, right???
Because according to his manhunt profile, el se auto describe como:"...una persona que le gustan las relaciones serias, me gusta hacer reir a los que estan a mi alrededor,me encanta ...el cine, las series de tv, musica,viajar y todo lo que me permita evolucionar como ser humano. Quiero encontrar a una persona seria, responsable, educada, discreta, varonil y fiel."
I feel as if Chuck Norris or Sergio Goyri wrote this.

I see you Carlos Slim! ¬.¬

Oseaaaa!!! Acabo de pagar el recibo de TELNOR Y el cajero automatico me quemo con 5 pesos!!! Really Carlos Slim???? Really???
La maquinita me debió haber regresado $107.00 pesos y solo me dio $102.00 de cambio! Y yo acá de: "..y mis 5 pesos que??? ...on' tan??? "(léase con la voz del hijo del papa, el presidente de la CANACA u_u)
El guardia del lugar (seguramente conocido por los empleados de esa sucursal como "Don Poli") me anotó en su lista de incidentes, pero me recomendó que acudiera nuevamente mañana, para que se tomara el folio oficial. Ahhh por que suuuuper la hice de pedo!

Y en la sección: "Ando bieeeeeen confundido!"

Como que “Sin Tetas No Hay Paraíso”??? Tengo que incorporar amigas bien tetas a mi circle of friends para poderme ir al cielo o como??? Que alguien me explique!!!

Gemini no mo'???

Pues aparentemente we all have been foolished by astrology all along the way. Los zodiac signs ya cambiaron y ahora hasta hay un 13th!!!! Some Ophiuchus Serpentarius whatever whatever… And turns out I’m not a Gemini anymore!!! This is all sorts of WTFnesss!!!
Esto es digno de un artículo en la revista “QUE ESCANDALAAA!”. Exijo una explicación y disculpa pública de parte de Walter Mercado, Madame Sazú y Misada! Gosh! Afortunadamente yo no rijo mi vida con base en creencias paganas, fantasías dignas de cuentos, y explicaciones carentes de toda credibilidad! Soy tan calculador y me baso en datos reales como el buen Slytherin que soy u_u (Si, así es , pésele a quien le pese! El sorting hat no miente…and let all Hogwarts know it!)

File this under: "I'M GONNA BURN IN HELL!"

Anoche en la clase de spinning una gordita como de unas 300 lbs (I’m actually being nice to her u_u) estaba muy plácidamente hablando por celular en, vez de quemar la mera mantequiza pedaleándole! HECF! Y yo suuuper le dí el side eye (¬.¬). Was that a bit rude on my side? Maybe le debería de llevar una docena de donas de Krispy Kreme as an apology, or a large pizza with extra cheese from Domino’s. I’m pretty sure she’ll any of love that :P

This is an atrocious injustice!

This work of art is absolutely underpriced! I mean, seriously??? Selling it on Amazon.com for only $15.98??? I am sooo giving this to my niece for her next birthday, and totally saving me the four-year college tuition. Everything she needs to know about life (and pickles and Guidos) is here. Done! Best. Investment. EVAHHHH!
PS. Give Snooki her Pulitzer already!
PS#2. Scratch that, she’ll probably think is some European mini-dog, or a not-so-delicious blue vodka drink, and feel very disappointed realizing she was mistaken :’

The Game Night/Glee Party: The Tashy Ladies Edition

Pues se llevo a cabo el majestuoso evento tan esperado por todos…y como era de esperarse, hubo descontento general por el tan avasallador triunfo del Equipo #2 (some people just don’t know how to lose u_u)

Anywhooo… aquí hay algo de lo que ocurrió en esta grandiosa noche!

El equipo #1 en problemas


El equipo #2 es agredidoooo!!


El Equipo #3 perdió 2 integrantes!


El equipo #4 en crisis multicultural!!!


El equipo #5...hizo lo que pudo

Desde cero...

Bueno, ni tan de cero, mas bien continuando lo que ya se había iniciado. Ah pero con este frio, si esta dificil empezar (aunque sea de nuevo)...y mas si es desde 0° en este 01/01/11.
Joyeux Nouvelle Année!
PS. Prometo ya no ausentarme tanto.